I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
