Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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