p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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