Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
