Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
