on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have post one night stand depression
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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