Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
