he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
