it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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