you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize