PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
