You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
