evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
