i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
