the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
