he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
