If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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