I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
