Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
