I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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