As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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