i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
