if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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