I love black thongs
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think i have two assholes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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