who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
