Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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