Your mouth is God's brothel.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He passed out mid-signature
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
