"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
