So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This baby is an asshole
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm getting married
To pizza
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
