guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
