i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
