so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
