yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
