i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
