she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
