i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
