Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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