I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
