Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
