I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
