i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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