The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
