The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
