and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
