she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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