if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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