After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
