So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
