I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
