I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
