another moral hangover. fuck.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
