oh god the rape fog is back!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
