this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
