Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize