i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
