Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
