Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
