I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
