It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
