I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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