I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
