it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
