I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
