Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
