remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
