You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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