The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
