pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
