u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
