id be glad to
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
