He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
