Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
