tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
