I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
