32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
