We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
