Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
its liver damage thursday
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
